I am listening to Carole King. Did you know I love Carole King? Well now you do!
“My life has been a tapestry of rich and royal hue
An everlasting vision of the ever-changing view
A wondrous, woven magic in bits of blue and gold
A tapestry to feel and see, impossible to hold”
So I have been thinking lately of the future. Of plans, of dreams. So far 2015 has been a year full of doors open but with EVEN more uncertainty. I have been very hesitant to take certain steps regarding my shop because of this “unknown”. And truth be told a lack of heart.
Now, as you might very well have guessed I love that I get to do what I love. Gratitude never escapes me. Sometimes I think look how far this little island girl has come… and yet there is that unsettled feeling inside of wanting MORE. But MORE of WHAT?
So I have been going back and forth, back and forth, and BACK AND FORTH with the idea of opening up an Adored Vintage brick + mortar. I have spoken to so many friends who are also shopkeepers/small business owners, spoken with my husband, and most importantly have been doing a lot of self reflecting. It helps of course that for about 5 months I had the experience of running a shop on a daily basis (the shop I share with my husband, Orn Hansen).
May I be candid with you? We are friends, right?
I really DID NOT LIKE working at the shop.
*clutches heart and feigns shock*
For those that know me in real life, you will know I’m quite introverted. And if given the chance I would probably move to a farmhouse and be okay interacting with humans only on the internet and just having my close friends come and visit. (This is not far from the truth, except I do not live on an acreage)
Interacting with strangers is exhausting. It is not a matter of NOT LIKING talking to people, I have actually made a lot of new friends because I was an Orn Hansen shopgirl. However, after working at the shop I would get home and feel absolutely drained. No inspiration left to work on my shop, Adored Vintage. I found myself getting crabbier, more irritable.
Now the other part which I did not like about being a shopgirl was the large windows of time when no one would walk into the store. I had already dusted everything twice, taken photos for Instagram, pinned posts, scheduled twitter posts… and nothing. The minutes felt like hours. I was bored. I grew restless. I started watching horrible British reality tv shows (with a bit of shame, really enjoyed The Only Way is Essex).
This past week I had breakfast with my friend Whitney who owns a darling boutique in Los Angeles called Myrtle and she sweetly but frankly said, “Rodellee, I don’t think you should open up a shop. You don’t like retail.” Well she said something like that, but I was picking up what she was putting down.
And so I go back to the drawing board. What IS the dream? And I think back of when I had my vintage studio in Los Angeles and when I had a studio in Long Beach. Yes, yes…THAT is what I want.
But now I know better. I know now not to make such hasty decisions. I know to plan a little better.
The dream is renewed. I will have an atelier again. And this time my loves, oh it’s going to be all I imagine it to be. However, this time, I will be patient with turning my dream into reality. I will not settle for “OK, I’ll just make it work.”
I have a vision in my head for an Adored Vintage Atelier. I have a vision, albeit a bit blurry at the moment, of what the next 3-5 years will look for AV. It will become more clear to me as time passes.
At this moment my heart feels at ease. I feel lighter. Happier with this dream that is MINE. Not a dream that I think should be mine. Does that make sense at all? Maybe I will explain more later. But henceforth, I am just writing that in one year’s time, this atelier dream will come to fruition!